Lucky Penny - a poem.

my one clear talent: self-deprecation.

am i ashamed?

meh, maybe a little.

but, honestly, no one fucks up like i do.

case in point: my car accident (on duty) on Saturday night that ended my month-long career as a USC Campus Cruiser - which makes this the second job i've managed to lose in a matter of a couple of months.

awesome.

all in all, i'd been having a pretty effed up couple of weeks, often resorting to old coping methods that have never let me down (but only because i deny the negative effects of large quantities of junk food, sleeping an obscene number of hours, avoiding all responsibilities at all costs, and laughing aloud when, really, i was crying on the inside).

yes, everything was under control.

(as it's been awhile, i probably owe you a short recap of my awesome couple of weeks:

1. got a 30% on a reading pop quiz in my Lit. class because i read the wrong pages.

yes.

a 30.

that just about ties with my lowest ever grade, which was a geography quiz in the 6th grade.

i vowed never to get that low ever again.

i lied.

2 - 3. i got the flu, which developed into a sinus infection.

missed classes (including improv) for several days straight.

4. again, i got into a car accident that was entirely my fault and i consequently lost my job.

5. my old paranoia has returned as i'm almost fairly certain i wasn't born to lead.

6. plans to clean my room fell through as, yet again, my depression managed to incapacitate me.

7-9. more personal reasons.

sorry.

too personal.)

from here, i suspect that you're probably thinking 2 things:
1. "But, Vickie, all of these things are your own doing! You're a dumbshit! Get yourself together!"

and you're probably right.

all my fault.

but is it all REALLY my fault if i was born without much needed common sense and resilience?

wah wah wah annoying self-pity wah wah.

my apologies.

2. "Chin up! Be optimistic! Stop your crazy biznatching and whining!"

also right.

and to this, i bring up The Lucky Penny.

i've never been one to invest my sometimes wanting sack of optimism in a small, nearly worthless piece of copper; but today, in an effort to snap myself out of my annoyingly down state, i've decided to turn to age-old superstition and allow my entire happiness to depend on just 1 cent.

yes, all i ask for is 1 cent of happiness and luck.

1 cent.

not too much.

and if all goes well, i might move on to more sense.

er, cents.

i might end up making my own.

yes, today when i was delivering a letter cross-campus for the office Bigot who i love to work for, and i saw that tiniest of shimmers on the ground some 10 feet in front of me, my heart skipped a little.

hoping no one else had made this discovery, i quickened my pace a bit and prayed that Lincoln would be looking up at me.

and he was.

secretly more excited than i should have been, i picked it up.

i could feel the winds of change around me.

the start of a lucky streak, at last.

finally, hope.

all of my hope and luck in this miniscule, seemingly meaningless piece of copper.

the One Penny.

i almost punched the air in triumph before i remembered that i was in public.

i even composed a poem to show my appreciation:

Lucky Penny
Lucky penny, lucky penny
Oh how you give me hope.
Your little shimmer on the ground
Pushed from my mind to tope.

I picked you up, in a hurry
To secure a little luck;
Because as of late, to be frank,
I've been a little fucked.

Lucky penny, lucky penny
Your head and tail so true,
"In God we trust," in you I trust,
I'll turn to gold from blue.

is this the proper length of a poem?

whatever.

i don't care.

it comes from the heart, and that's all that matters.

yes.

today is a new day.

thank you, Lucky Penny.

i think i'll name you Phillip.