starting a fresh page! and blogging on it.

over time, this blog has become something of a diary.

but, as of late, i've decided to start a brand new one that only includes comedy bits.

i need to practice.

word.

http://notestoselfbah.blogspot.com

and you can/should join the facebook fanpage, under Notes to Self.

where'd the title come from?

i have 0 common sense, meaning that, all sorts of things that have and will happen in my most recent life, need to be shared.

in other words, as i embarrass myself, or have embarrassing thoughts, you guys will have access to them.

i'll try to keep up with this one, too, to talk about more personal stuff, but Notes to Self will be my way of practicing my comedy writing.

all in all, i've decided to start taking my dreams of writing comedy a little more seriously.

so hop to it! chop chop!

and please give me some feedback!

long time, no see. When Vickie Met Billy...and When Billy Met Dane...

i'm just like Billy Crystal.

at least, that's what my dad says.

some girls are princesses, sweethearts, mermaids, even.

but me?

i'm Billy Crystal.

he meant it in a good way, he assured me, and i don't really doubt this: if there's one thing my dad and i have in common, it's our inability to hold an anything but awkward conversation.

another would be our tendency to inarticulately pay strange compliments because of our debilitating and irreversible senses of humor and romantics.

the other would be our obnoxious laughs.

but i digress.

really, i don't think of the Billy Crystal thing as negative.

and lord knows that when my mother tried to dress me up as a Disney princess when i was little, i refused.

but i wonder if being like Billy Crystal, especially nowadays, is all that positive, either.

in his prime, Crystal was amazing.

along the lines of George Carlin and Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce.

they're all still considered some of the "greats" of all-time, and no one doubts their creativity and astuteness.

but nowadays, who can really relate to any of these comedians?

when i saw the movie Funny People for the first time, all i could think was, I could never make it as a comedienne. I hate penis jokes, and I definitely don't appreciate making fun of other people or the word "fuck" half this much.

could i ever really make it as a "nice" comedian?

or even a thoughtful one?

the more and more i think about it, the less sure i am of pursuing my "dream job."

i know i'd like to write good, clean, but inspiring comedy.

i know that, in a dream world, where i'm not ridden by the fear and the insecurities, i'd like to get up on stage and perform my comedy.

but i really don't know how willing modern audiences would be to accept my old brand of jokes and commentary.

we're in an age where gross-out, shock-value comedy seems to be taking centre-stage.

comedians are getting more and more vulgar.

and louder.

and i really don't think i can pull either of those things off.

i can't Dane Cook my way through a joke, and yell it as loudly as possible to trick people into laughing.

and i can't pull a Sarah Silverman and make a totally perverse or over-the-top story cute, just by pulling a cute face.

and i'm not hott, so i don't have that going for me.

i'm not suave.

or confident.

and all of the things that might've been my "schtick" have already been done:

1. lesbian;
2. Asian mom;
3. Latino family;
4. awkwardness.

bah.

the only "nice" comedians i can think of can be counted on one hand:

1. Eddie Izzard;
2. Dmitri Martin;
3. Tina Fey;
4. Amy Poehler;
5. Ellen.

still, though.

i'm not saying that ALL mean or modern comedians have no merits.

Chris Rock is one, along with Margaret Cho (who, even though she's now mostly political, still has her moments).

but the fact remains that i just don't think i can pull that kind of work off.

what options are out there for me, then?

what can i really do?

do i sell out and try to break my way into that kind of humor?

what hope is there for someone who doesn't want to trash-talk Britney Spears or rant about vaginas for thirty minutes?

what can someone who's totally awkward and shy and just wants to talk about her awkward and shy experiences really accomplish in this new comedy industry?

why has comedy gone down this track?

all's i know's is, i'm at a loss.

without comedy, i have no idea what i'd do with my life.

and, more than that, i don't know how i'd be able to really get out there and reach people.

what if my comedy/humor is my own, and no one else would really appreciate it?

what am i supposed to do with my life?

my dad told me that i'm just like Billy Crystal.

because i'm self-deprecating and awkward and harmless.

but is that good enough these days?

popular?

in middle school they taught us that, "Just because it's popular doesn't mean that it's right."

but in an industry that's all about visibility and popularity, what can i do to really succeed?

anyways.

i'll try to be more consistent with my postings.

so 'til next time!